Bitter World
by Tiian
Summary: Too much closeness, too much selfishness. In a moment of selfish selflessness everything is shattered. UKxKR


**BITTER WORLD**

**Bleach – Kubo Taite**

**Summary: Too much closeness, too much selfishness. **

**In a moment of selfish selflessness everything is shattered. UKxKR **

**Rating: R/mature**

**Author: Tiian **

_**I thought about making this a full scale long fanfic but **_

_**found my inspiration saying otherwise and it became a oneshot instead.**_

Timeline:

10 years after Renji and Rukia met, they decided to become shinigami.

50 years ago Rukia was adopted to the Kuchiki family and she immediately graduated. After that she was taken into the 13th Division and served under vice-captain Shiba Kaien who died soon after.

So, how old is Rukia? She said she is 10 times older than Ichigo, making her around 150 years old. Now, the manga is not entirely clear but I think that Urahara and Yoruichi left 104 years ago. (Yet I decided to take some freedom and changed it a little.)

Basically it was possible for her to know Urahara and she knew Yoruichi by reputation at the very least (she mentioned knowing the name when Ichigo and Byakuya fought on the bridge).

- - - - - - - -

**Soul Society, 46 years ago: **

It had been very very simple. So simple she doubted it, lied about it, hid it and tried to get rid of it but it was too stubborn. No matter what she did she could not get rid of it. Finally she just gave up and confessed to herself that it was all true. Nothing this persistent could be half-hearted or just something passing.

She cursed it. It made everything so much more complicated and hard. It was tearing her apart.

Such was the feeling of love for Kuchiki Rukia.

She sighed for what was probably the 100th time during the short walk from the headquarter of 13th Division to 12th division. It was always too long and too short pathway. It seemed endless yet she reached her destination much too soon...

She didn't want to see him. Or rather she didn't want to want to see him.

She had never really hated him or anything, she just hated her recent feelings she had been feeling around him. Nervousness, uneasiness, blushes, embarrassment and most of all she hated the way her heart would beat faster and make her realize that she had feelings for him.

True and real feelings apparently.

No matter how many times she tried to change it, it remained unchanged.

No matter how many times she trained to the brink of passing out, her dreams were conquered by the images of him and unrealistic hopes for future.

It was different from the time when she had had a crush on Shiba Kaien. He had been special, treating her like just another person instead of being overly polite and then laughing behind her back as many tended to do. He had been very dear to her. On one level, she could say that she had loved him but then again he had been an easy person to love because he was unavailable.

Shiba Kaien had touched her heart, awakened hope within her.

His death... by her zanbakutou had hurt her to the core of her being. She had cried and despaired, slowly managing to pull herself together. But the hurt was there still. She had killed the person she loved and everyone had comforted her how she had no choice and how it was not her fault. But she clearly remembered the dead weight of his body leaning on hers and the taste of his blood, her tears and the falling rain.

After that she hadn't thought she could fall in love anymore because it hurt too much. She didn't want to love because the people she loved always left her behind or died. So... She hoped that Ukitake-taichou had never asked her for a favor. Ukitake had borrowed a book and asked her to return it to him. She hoped that _he _had not asked for her help when she had stepped inside the room with the book. Not only then but afterwards too. She hated Ukitake-taichou for allowing him to have her assistance.

Yet at the same time she felt grateful and that she hated the most.

The confusion of her feelings was terrible but there was calm too. In the knowledge that her feelings were real.

Then what about his?

Impossible to tell, to know or even to guess.

No matter how many times she stole a peek, she could neither see nor understand. He was still a mystery to her so how on earth was it possible to feel like this?

Her hand curled into a fist as the number 12 came clearer to her eyes.

What she had thought to be a one-time mission had turned into a daily job. She was now his assistant though she did none of the thinking, none of the making. All she did was hand him what he needed and when there was nothing he wanted, she would sit at the wall staring at him.

She had never had real talent for drawing no matter how much she practiced and hoped but she knew his face so well that she could draw it in her sleep if only she had the talent needed. Though that would be unnecessary since she remembered him more clearly than any painting could portray him. At some point she had painted his image into her heart and now she couldn't get rid of it.

It was frustrating and that was why she hated it so much. This stupid useless feeling of love.

Totally unnecessary, totally unwanted for.

She greeted the people at the gates and they let her pass. Inside she announced her business there and the path was open for her. They all already knew why she was there and some even dared to greet her on the way. The rest dodged her as if she was a true noble and not just an adopted one.

She reached the door too soon again. She didn't want to open it but there was no escape. She had to obey the orders and he knew she was there already. Throwing away her feelings and locking them into the back of her mind and heart she knocked and opened the door.

"I have arrived, Urahara-taichou."

- - - - - - - -

She came in wearing the same business-like face, cold and calm like a true Kuchiki. Too much trying, too little succeeding to pass as a Kuchiki-family member before those who knew them.

Still she was trying.

He welcomed her as always and directed her to her task he had prepared before hand. She had truly became a very welcome aid to him, more so than he had suspected. Her hands were swift, her memory good and her control of her reaitsu excellent. All she lacked was pure power but that didn't really bother him. Power without control was hardly useful and could only wreak havoc. Control was essential and she had nailed that down perfectly. She still needed to fine-tune it but considering her training and her young age, she was remarkable.

Also she never questioned him, never complained. A perfect assistant indeed. Silent and hardworking. Yet it left him feeling alone and a little strange at times. If she was like that all the time when ever did she enjoy life? Was she trying so hard to prove her worth that she forgot all she had already achieved?

It was truly none of his business but he could not help but wonder what lay behind her professional mask. He had always loved mysteries and solving riddles. Now he was intrigued by her calm mask. Who was she really behind it? What made her smile? Sad?

Today she looked tired, just like all the week. Ukitake had not sent her on missions for a while so that could not be the reason. The work here was not that hard so why was she so tired...

He worried. He knew he did. It was not because she could become careless or cause some bother to him by botching up one of his experiments but because he cared.

It was strange enough for him to smile at.

The little girl he had picked as his assistant had come to matter to him. He didn't know when or how or even why but he knew that he cared about her. Perhaps it was because he was just so used to seeing her when he turned around, used to her calm presence and had come to rely on her for help. Perhaps it was because he still didn't understand her as well as he though he should by now.

Strange indeed.

It mattered enough that he could not concentrate on the task at hand, trying to sneak glances of her to see how she was doing. Of course she did everything perfectly like always. Never the best but always trying hard and making her way to the top. Still he doubted that people noticed since everyone expected so much from her as a noble. They had set standards and she was trying to reach them. Always obedient. Always diligent.

Ukitake had been wise to accept her into his division. She may not have finished her school like the rest did but she had all the skills. She had made sure of that and probably trained in secret to meet the goals set for her. Already now she had reached the level of a seated officer though she had not been selected to be one. He had his thoughts about that but it was not his place to comment or judge.

Was she still training hard even now that she was strong already? Was that what was making her so tired daily?

It bothered him but telling her to rest was something he was in no position to say. He was after all just another Captain, not her Captain nor her relative. Not even a friend, really. Ukitake probably hadn't noticed her tiredness or the man would have told her to rest more. It was not hard to miss since she had recently spent so much time here and not much in the quarters of 13th Division. Also she never showed it clearly and he had only noticed it after days and days of watching her.

She was a fascinating person after all.

Behind all of her actions was a fierce temper she tended to show in somewhat violent actions. Of course never when she thought he might see her. Fierce temper showed signs of deep feelings hidden behind her mask.

Behind her mask was a person with a strong sense of justice.

Behind her mask was a mess of confusion. That was how he felt as he looked at her. She didn't appreciate herself at all, didn't understand just how high she would be able to reach if she wanted to. Ashamed when she had nothing to feel ashamed of.

She was a strange person, very logical in her thoughts yet illogical in her feelings. Afraid to disappoint people, probably believing that she only had worth if she never made a mistake, if she never let anyone down. If she was perfect.

She carried the world on her shoulders.

He wondered if she didn't have anyone to share it with, anyone that would take away some of her burden. He had seen her with a redheaded man few times and knew she had at least one friend. But he had also seen distance between them. She was a noble and associating with a common people, though shinigami, was often frowned upon.

And he had never seen anyone else around her.

How could she stand so strong without anyone by her side? Why was she not shattered by her loneliness?

He had never been truly alone since Yoruichi had been his friend since they had been children. They had always been together, trained together and relied on each other to carry each others burdens.

He could not imagine life without her friendship.

"Urahara-taichou, I have finished."

Her voice broke him from his thoughts and he realized that he had not gotten anything done at all. Quickly he complimented her for the work she had done and set out a next one. She turned to it immediately leaving him back to his wondering thoughts.

And as he looked at her working, tired but diligent, he decided that he didn't want her to be alone with her burden anymore. He could not offer her much because he was a very selfish person, always concentrating on his creations and complicated science. But he could at least offer her his ear and attention now and then. Even if he had to offer it from the shadows since she probably would never tell of her feelings to him. He was after all a captain and the difference in ranks tended to draw a drift between people.

First he would find out what was making her so tired all the time and try to find a solution to it or a way to express his wish for her to rest.

His decision made he waited for some time after she had left and then hid all of his presence and followed. She took the path to 13th Divisions living quarters but strayed from that path after a while and to his surprise she left the entire Seireitei to Rukongai.

He knew she was from among the commoners, it was a well known fact since her adoption had caused quite a fuss, but why was she going there now? And she wasn't even on business in the city since she left it after only a while.

She walked to the deepness of forest and there he saw the reason for her tiredness. He also realized that she was not tired because she trained, she was tired because she was fighting but there was no opponent other than herself.

As he watched her he could not help but feel desperate. Like she was obviously feeling.

Fighting nothing but herself, never winning.

She looked so desperate that he couldn't help but feel the same. What was driving her to push herself like this, to the borders of pain and harm?

He felt the need to help her but right now there was nothing he could do for her. She was fighting her own demons and only she could beat them. If he knew what was bothering her he might be able to help her but as it was, there was nothing he could do but witness her pain and try to get her to rest. Or make her so busy that she had no time to beat herself up like this but that would tire her as well.

"Leave me alone already! Get the hell out of my heart! I don't want you there..."

He almost lost his tender balance at her wild scream. His eyes widened. For a moment he had thought that she was talking to him but that was not it. She probably didn't even know he was here. Even the other captains had trouble sensing him when he hid himself.

An instant later a realization hit him and he felt the ridiculous urge to laugh.

Of all the people she, adopted Kuchiki, cold-hearted and calm Shinigami, Rukia had fallen in love? It seemed so unbelievably beyond believable.

Yet it was true to her.

The smile disappeared as he watched her helplessly torturing herself for feeling what she felt. He wanted to help her but there was nothing he could do but stand there watching her...

She was in pain because she was in love. But who? Who had managed to worm a way into her heart that she had obviously hidden deep inside her soul? He had not seen a person that was close enough to her for her to fall in love. But then again he had not spent much time around her other than inside the laboratory.

But one thing was now certain. He couldn't do anything for her other try get her to rest. He didn't have the power to make her feelings disappear, no right to tell her he even knew about them. He would have to stay quiet and just watch her.

- - - - - - - -

**Four months later:**

He would have laughed if he had thought it would make things better.

Nothing had changed yet everything felt different. He cursed Yoruichi for knowing him better than he himself knew. He cursed her for giving a word to the feeling that had been growing inside of him.

Love.

For the first time he could understand why Rukia had spent so much time fighting in the forest. The need to try and clear himself of the bothersome feeling was great.

He had always understood love as the ultimate happiness but he could not feel it so.

Still with knowledge came understanding. Now that he knew what he felt he understood why he had started to dream of her, had started to watch her all time, had lost his concentration when she was close.

At some point he had fallen in love with Rukia.

He could not pinpoint when but probably around the time when he had started to feel jealous of the person who held her heart. He hadn't understood what was going on then or why his hands tended to clench threateningly every time he thought about it. Or every time he saw her with that red-headed friend of her who had been accepted to the fifth division to work as shinigami under Aizen. A person she gave her smiles to.

Yet now he was confused more than anything.

Yoruichi had come to visit him into his captain's office as he had been taking care of the paperwork. Without knocking she stepped inside and slumped onto the couch looking at him as she sat.

"You gonna do anything about it?" She asked abruptly and he lifted his face from the papers.

"About what?"

She snorted. "About Kuchiki-san of course."

He looked at her entirely bewildered. "What? Is there something wrong with the 6th Division? "

She looked at him like he was braindead and sighed. "Not that Kuchiki-san. I am talking about Rukia."

Now he was even more confused than before. "What?"

"I mean the girl is head over heels in love with you and since you obviously feel the same, why haven't you done a thing?"

At that point his hold of the pen had loosened and it had dropped from his hand. That one sentence had held too much information. First thing he realized was the part where she told him that the person he had been searching, the person who had managed to get Rukia's heart was him. After the confusion came the happiness. The exhilarating feeling of euphoria.

Then came another realization.

He loved her. And that realization started to haunt him day and night.

He could no longer stop looking at her, stop the dreams of her in his arms. His concentration weakened and there were days when he accomplished absolutely nothing just because she was there to distract him. Just as he noticed how she too was distracted but fought it to complete the works he set for her.

They were dancing around each other, both uncomfortable if they got physically too close. And at times he just wanted to pull her to him and never let her go.

Yet he could not speak to her about his feelings. He was now fairly sure that Yoruichi had been correct about Rukia's feelings but he feared to tell or show her his. He was afraid of the future.

He was afraid of his invention.

He had completed it just a week ago and it had started to haunt him ever since. It was dangerous. Too dangerous. He cursed his blasted curiosity that had created the idea of completing the thing no one had been able to create before him. If it fell into the hands of people who would misuse it...

He had tried to come up with a way to destroy it but ironically he couldn't think of any. Logically since he had created it he should be able to destroy it. But logic was of no use now.

It would take time. Just like creating it had taken time, destroying it would take too. What he feared was that he didn't have the time. He had last night cast a barrier around it but that was the best he could do now.

Unless...

He didn't want to do it but if he had no time, he would have to. It would make him a criminal and at worst he would be executed but he needed the material for the only plan he had come up with to at least hide it so that it wouldn't be found, ever.

Before he had something to offer other than criminal's life, he would not bare himself to her, he couldn't force her to such life.

- - - - - - - -

-- **Three months later:**

The room was dark without any of the usual lights lid. It felt almost as if she was stepping into a different world and not to the same room she almost daily spent time. The door closed behind her and she was left in complete darkness. Why had he called her here if he wasn't even present?

Slowly she walked towards the lights, careful not to hit or drop anything. The experiments he did were important to him, she knew that well.

Her hand fumbled blindly and she traced the surroundings finally finding the switch.

"Don't."

She startled. Her hand hit the lamp and it rolled over and the sound of breaking glass sounded loudly in the room.

He was here.

She had not even noticed which meant that he had hidden all traces of his reaitsu. It was something he was especially good at. He often startled people by suddenly appearing behind them. He seemed to find it entertaining and fun.

"Ki-- Urahara-taichou?" Her voice trembled. Her treacherous heart had chosen the wrong word, name she had no right to use. She sensed him out, knowing that he was allowing her to find him.

She walked past the tables, past the instruments to him.

Her eyes were getting used to the darkness and she could make out a place in a corner that was darker than elsewhere. Without hesitation she walked to him. Without knowing how, she knew that something was wrong. This was very unlike him. Sitting in a corner in deep darkness when he usually enjoyed sun and fun.

She couldn't make out more than the lines of his body in the darkness but it was enough for her to find her way to him.

"Urahara-taichou, is something wrong?" She asked quietly, hoping the she hadn't stepped over some invisible line of proper manner by asking a question like that.

He held out his hand and she hesitated. Would it be alright to take that hand? She wanted to but what would come out of it? What would it change?

She had never touched him, not even by an accident. Now he was extending his hand to her...

And she couldn't refuse even though she was scared.

She took a hold of his hand.

Warm fingers intervened with hers and pulled her closer. She didn't resist and allowed him to pull her to him. She fell into his arms which immediately wrapped themselves around her. Her cheek lay on his chest, his chin on the top of her head. His arms around her were holding her tightly to him.

She could hear his heartbeat, feel his warmth surrounding her and smell his scent. Her own heart was beating fast in her chest. Hesitantly she extended her hands and wrapped them around him. Something was wrong and he was probably searching for comfort and contact. She knew the feeling well and if that was what he needed, she would gladly give it to him.

"Rukia..."

Her breath halted for a second but she was sure he had noticed it instantly. He had called her with only her first name. He had never done so before, maintaining the distance with ¨Kuchiki-san¨. Hearing her name from his lips, spoken with his deep voice caused a sudden shiver to run through her.

"I am sorry."

She frowned and pulled back, trying to see his eyes. "What...?"

She couldn't see but she could feel all too well as he leaned forward and his breath caressed her cheek. He moved so slowly that she had all the time in the world to make up her mind, decide what to do. But the feeling of him so close stilled all her thoughts and moves.

His hands moved up her back and his lips pressed against hers. Warm and dry.

She didn't know how she should respond in such a situation and so she did something she had never done before. She let go of her reins and gave freedom to her heart. Hadn't she dreamed of this? Hoped for this? This was stepping over lines but at the moment she didn't care. She loved him.

Her lips parted and answered to his kiss. A gently and slow, their lips danced getting to know the rhythm fitting for them. But neither could be satisfied with just this. Dreams were overwhelming the reality, making it all true in the darkness. The kiss heated up passions both had hidden behind numerous masks and for the first time ever they were free to feel each other.

His hands pulled at her clothes, his lips at hers. She answered in the same manner, though slightly more unsure, pushing back his uniform. She wanted to touch and to be touched. She wanted to feel more of him, all of him. No matter the consequence. So unlike her but it didn't matter at this moment. She was getting what she had only dreamed about for so long.

His hands managed to pull her shoulders bare and his lips left hers to explore new areas. Hot and intense kisses were showered on her neck and shoulder. Her breathing got heavier and

faster, the shivers running pleasantly through her body. She helped him pull her hands from the sleeves leaving her entire upper body naked. The room was cold but their corner was warm, the heat of his hands warming her body as they traveled across her back, stomach and shoulders. Everywhere his hands went, his lips followed.

She was trembling. No matter what she had ever imagined and dreamed, it paled compared to this feeling now. She felt weak, overrun by her desire and need. Heady with desire...

His mouth was teasing her breast, his other hand supporting her from the back and the other slipped into her hakama.

At that moment she knew it instantly, her instincts shouted the truth at her. She was his. Her heart would never let go of him.

She spread her legs and his fingers moved to feel the new areas. Spreading her folds he fingered her gently, spreading her wetness with his fingers. Her breath shuddered and her body moved to feel better, more.

She had no control anymore, didn't know if she ever had had when it came to him.

As his fingers pushed into her she threw back her head and let out a small whimper. She was throbbing, her nerves all connected to one single place, her feelings overrun by pleasure. There was nothing to see, nothing to hear but their heavy breathing.

He pulled away and gently laid her on the cold hard floor. Then he was all over her again. There was no place he was not touching, covering her with his warmth.

He pulled her hakama away entirely and then his own. Naked flesh against flesh. His lips were on hers again, one hand beside her head to support him and the other moved all over her body. Up her thigh, her waist until it reached her breast.

There was no hesitation in his touch and it burned on her skin.

She slid her hands across his wide shoulders, down his chest but without daring to go any further. He had no such problems as his fingers entered her again and teased her flesh. She was gasping at the feelings that he made her feel.

Pulling his fingers out of her he spread her legs and positioned himself between them. She could only see his silhouette in the dark room as he placed himself at her opening.

He pushed and it was painful even though she was wet. Her muscles automatically tightened at the foreign intrusion but he kept calmly pushing. She whimpered but his hands kept her still. Deeper and deeper, every movement painful. He stopped and slowly her muscles relaxed slightly, her opening throbbing painfully.

Her breathing was harsh but no words crossed her lips. None came from his either.

He didn't stop to wait for long but moved, her muscles instantly tightening. His every movement was painful but she didn't complain. If it was him, it was alright. He was the only person she could never resent. And slowly the pain lessened and the pleasure increased.

A tear slid down her cheek in the darkness.

--

She was asleep, her breath moving in and out calmly. Peaceful and silent. He kept still, not wanting to wake her. At the moment he cursed the darkness of the room which made it impossible for him to see her clearly. He knew he would not see her again so he wanted memories, a connection with her.

The next time they met, if they ever did, she would probably hate him.

The thought was painful but he knew what he had to do. It was his responsibility as the creator to make sure that his creation wouldn't cause destruction.

Very quietly in a whisper he murmured a spell that guaranteed to keep her sleeping. Then he reached to his clothes to find the item hidden inside. The small item almost glowed in the darkness, the sleek surface reflecting light and shadows. Even now after he had surrounded it with the strongest barrier he could make, it looked just as beautiful as before, just as deadly. Such a small thing and yet so very dangerous in wrong hands. Greed was a fault shinigami's knew as well.

Rukia snuggled slightly in his arms and he felt his eyes moisten. Blinking back the tears he pulled her as close as he could. The calm rise and fall of her chest brought calm to him. Her warm breath brushed his neck and he shivered.

He didn't want to let go. He wanted her always by his side as she now was.

But he could not be selfish. He knew that he could no longer offer her what she deserved as a member of Kuchiki-family, as a shinigami, as a proud woman.

He whispered the words of the spell that would allow him to hide the masterpiece he had created, masterpiece he now hated. Curiosity killed the cat, they say. He was starting to believe it. At the very least it hurt like hell.

A hole slowly opened on her back and he calmly pushed the gem of misery into the hole, hiding it inside her. Giving it to her whom he trusted to know the best course of action if it was ever revealed. She was wise, at times much more so than him. She was the only choice and it couldn't be done with her knowing. He couldn't take it with him because he would be searched after, he couldn't give it to Yoruichi because she would be suspected and she was coming with him.

They were the obvious targets. He needed to hide it elsewhere and the only other person he could trust was her. They wouldn't suspect her unless she said something and he doubted it. He knew her well enough to know that.

The hole was sealed and still she slept calmly not knowing what he was doing to her without her permission.

"Please, take care of my stupid mistake... I am sorry for putting you through this all." He brushed her hair back and lit up a small fire into hand. Now he didn't have to worry about waking her. Black hair surrounded her perfect face, long lashed creating shadows on her cheeks.

Taking one last look, one last kiss, he wrapped her into his captain's robes and carried to the only sofa in the room. He laid her down and lifted his sleeping spell. She continued her slumber none the wiser of the burden he had placed on her shoulders. A bit more for her to carry.

He hated himself for it.

He gathered their clothes and laid hers beside her and dressed himself. He kept his back turned to her fearing that if he took even one more look, he would drag her down with him to the miserable life of running and fighting if someone came after him to get the hougyoku.

At the door he hesitated for one last second before forcing himself to pull the door open and walk through it.

As he had expected, Yoruichi was waiting for him there. Her face was hard and he knew she was still angry at his choice even though she had accepted it in the end. Even understood it. She was after all the person who knew him best. His very best friend. Now his only friend.

"Let's go. The gigai has already been securely transported to human realm and the inspection on the new material Kurotsuchi discovered has been completed. The order to capture you will now be only a matter of time."

Kisuke nodded and they started to walk towards the exit. In the middle of the corridor he stopped and looked back.

"Forgot something?" Yoruichi asked with a mocking voice. He knew what she was hinting at and refused to answer. Instead he muttered few words and there was a small explosion behind his door. That should be enough to wake her up.

"Let's go." He said and run down the corridor with Yoruichi.

He felt tempted to apologize to Yoruichi again but he could not bring himself to speak. They were heading towards exile and he had dragged her along the path because he had been unable to go alone. She had known and chosen to accompany him. It had been her choice and as such, he had no right to judge her.

But he was thankful just as much as he was regretful.

"Wake up, Benihime."

They were in for a rough escape.

- - - - - - - -

--

Rukia awoke with a start and jumped immediately up. Something had exploded next to her and as she had been trained to act at the slightest sign of danger, she immediately searched her surroundings. She could not see or feel anything wrong in the darkness. She frowned and realized just how cold she was after which came a wave of memories. Cheeks burning she fumbled to find her clothes and dressed as soon as she could leaving his captain robes on the sofa.

She felt slightly tender and knew that it had been more than a dream.

"Ura--" She started and then realized that she now had the right to call him by his first name, just like he had called her. She smiled and almost hesitantly called for Kisuke. There was no answer and she knew she was probably alone now.

She searched around and lit up a small light-ball into her hand until she found the other lamp and then the dim light filled the room. A room so familiar to her, now filled with more memories.

Checking herself from the small mirror he had, she decided that she looked decent enough to leave the room. Now that he was no longer there, she had no reason to remain.

She turned and at the same moment the door shattered to piece. She jumped back and immediately laid her hand on her zanbakutou. Her eyes widened as she recognized two of the shinigami bursting into the room.

"Renji! Aizen-taichou!" She yelled out and their attention was immediately on her.

Renji practically run to her. "Are you alright Rukia?" He asked worriedly. She could only nod numbly. "Renji, what is going on in here?" She was suddenly worried. Something was wrong, very wrong.

"It seems that Urahara-taichou has committed a serious crime and created something that shouldn't have been done." Renji explained.

Rukia felt her eyes widen in terror. _What?_

Without seeing her fear Renji continued without mercy. "There is an order to capture him. We are here searching for him."

Rukia could not believe what he was telling her. It could not be true... If the was making something like that, he should have known the consequence of his actions. If that was true then...

"Kuchiki-san."

She blinked and turned her numb eyes to face the calm and friendly face of Aizen, the captain of 5th Division. He laid his hand calmly on her head smiling comfortingly. "I know this must come as a shock to you but I sincerely hope that you will be able to help us to find him and tell us everything you know about what was going on in this room."

Somehow hearing his words convinced her that this was all real. He had left already. There was no doubt about it in her mind or heart. She knew how smart he was and how well he knew everything that was going on.

There was no way he was caught unaware of anything.

He was gone. He had left knowing they would come after him... Then why...? Why had he not said anything to her? Anything at all, ever?

Her eyes widened as she realized the sharply cutting truth. He had never had any intentions of taking her with him. He... never... loved her... Was it all because of pity? Because of what she felt? He had realized it and thought that he was doing her a favor...

Her knees gave out on her and she fell onto the floor. Her hands automatically wrapped around her, trying to comfort herself, shield her from the truth. But that didn't ease the pain inside. That was something only he could do and he had left.

Her heart was unable to cope and it shattered to small pieces. Her hope was gone, her love was surrounded by hate. She tried to calm her breathing, to bring fort the mask of Kuchiki she had created to deal with situations without showing her emotions.

He had given her hope, given her a short time from her dreams and then left her behind without a word taking all of her with him. He had crushed her.

She picked up the pieces she could and placed them deep inside her soul. Now was not the time to be broken.

She pulled fort the mask and hid everything behind it. It was wavering and weak shield but if it helped through everything until she could be alone, then it would be sufficient. Then she would cry until all of her tears were gone. So that she would never again cry for him or because of him.

She rose up and faced them calmly, not showing even one piece of her truth to them. "My apologies. I was a bit surprised." She noticed a strange look flash in Aizen-taichou's eyes. "Would you please ask your questions again? I am afraid I do not remember them well enough to present you with appropriate answers."

No matter how much she was hurting now, as they questioned her she never told them anything that might reveal anything to them. No matter how trivial the information was. The sad truth was that she didn't really know anything. He had never confined in her, never told her anything.

When she heard that Shihouin Yoruichi had helped him escape, had left with him, she knew that she never had his trust or his love. After all, he had never asked her to go with him, never told her that something was wrong. She was glad that at that point she had already reached certain numbness that came after you got used to pain otherwise she would have broken there and then and told them how he had used her, how he had broken her by leaving.

That night alone in her room she cried tears of centuries.

Alone.

--

That night two letters were sent to every captain and vice-captain in Soul Society. The news were met with happiness and sadness.

Hearts broke and smiles were spread.  
Chances crushed, changes created.  
Just because of selfishness and friendship.  
Just because of curiosity and love.

#

For creating an untraceable substance  
that does not contain spiritual matter  
and  
using it to create a gigai that  
steals reaitsu from the shinigami using it  
rendering the user into a normal ghost  
and  
escaping after the deed became known  
Urahara Kisuke is hereby permanently relieved  
of his duty as the Captain of 12th Division and as the  
bureau chief of the Technological Development Bureau  
and  
sentenced into an exile.

#

#

Assisting the escape of the exile Urahara Kisuke  
and  
hiding out after the said deed was discovered.  
For the above reason, Shihouin Yoruichi is permanently relieved  
of her duty as the commander of  
covert-op division and the executive militia.

#


End file.
